The old horror of ending up in a small town that people drive through without remark, and then it happens, but abroad, and after more than half a lifetime of things I can't explain, of no plans and no real direction beyond the moment, I embrace it.

Anonymity beats oblivion, the early death I escaped so many times on dangerous roads in poor conditions and bad choices made after midnight. I should not be here. I should not be anywhere.

I did not expect to make it much past 30, never mind 40, and here I am, hale and hearty in my 50s, so time to get ready for the rest of the show, to get stronger, healthier, better, to enjoy life more and look forward when not living now, in the moment, in the bloom of ecstasy as the flow of time moves through me and my head is open to joy.

This is what I’ve always lived for, those peak moments that give a sense of eternity, the secret of life.

All I ever wanted was ecstasy at all times.