It's easier for me to say to myself and others I never wanted anything, than admit I wasted my time and it's too late to start again, that this is how I chose, and choose, to live.

But really what I wanted was sloth, indulgence, unearned ease and privilege. To find a place in the world without worry or stress, and to live every day as if I were free.

To live like a poor man with money.