By chance I see her online, and a road not taken etc opens up once more, with the understanding that I’ll forget the disappointment and dissatisfaction that came right from the start, the fact my life would be in danger from both internal and external forces, that my old age would be insecure and lost in even greater poverty than that which looms ahead of me, like a crumbling tower whose shadow I cannot escape.

I move on, once again, and feel sorry for the pain I’ve caused so many, the shame I brought on myself, the end of other possible lives, and the fact that this is mine.