I wouldn't start from here

lost and found in mid-life

10/03/2025

Amazed at my own capacity for feeling, which seems to fill me completely, just like it does for everyone else, and all other organisms.

There's something wonderful about this.

at 08:00

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After a while it becomes impossible to believe in the excitement of the life I once led, and how I still found time to be bored, stressed an...
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For years I was among the smartest and most solvent in any room, but that says more about the rooms I was in than anything else. Dive bars, ...
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Napoleon's apples were no better than mine, his capacity for joy no greater, and at my age he was dead.
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Like almost everyone else, I became part of the working class instead of a man of leisure, although I lived like one, dawdling and idling, s...
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Only now, decades later, can I see what an awful young man I was, how broken by a broken upbringing, all wasted energy, anger, entitlement, ...
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Nothing new will happen now, nothing good. There'll be no sudden plot twists, no unexpected hero, heroine, windfall or change in charact...
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Someone I know, someone I thought I could have been, turns up on TV and does their job well, appears at ease, conveys knowledge and competen...
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I wake up, and for the second day there's no work, no paid work, but still I get dressed and go to my desk, turn on the machine and wa...
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The horror I knew as a child returns, and this time I know it's for real, fueled by the feeling of vertigo that comes with poverty, prec...
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I look around and think what I could sell if unemployment manifests. There's not much - nothing, really - worth the effort. Trash is all...