The short-lived joy of getting my pension sorted, of knowing that at least poverty is guaranteed and destitution less likely. A secure future of clipping coupons, special offers, mending and make doing, of involuntary vegetarianism and intermittent fasting, celebrating the smallest of victories and pleasures, of living at the bottom of the heap and learning to enjoy the view.

This had all been encoded in me from the earliest days, when I'd embraced a life of incurious sloth and indulgence, mocking the ambitions of others.